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This is a very short story of that revelation.Dream Weaver 2: Looking Through the Forest for a Single Tree Deanna Lea (c) 2002 Summer 1993My therapist asked me the other day if I had ever thought about what I would look like if and when I complete my transition. I knew instinctively what she was shooting for but I decided to play her little game, after all I was the one paying by the hour. "My goodness let me see, I'd weigh no more than 105 pounds, have long flowing red hair, have C-cup or larger boobs and yes, I'd look good in any fashion." After saying that I broke out in hysterics."What are you laughing about?" Ms. Bloom asked."When I was 18 years old, and if I'd have had my change by then I'd look like an 18 year old girl that needs to be on a diet, starting yesterday." I went on to explain to her that I had no illusions about my appearance. "I've always been a big girl, I love being a big girl, and that's what I'll always be."In short I embrace that part of me that states. "You're so beautiful."Had those words come from any other boy, I would have felt uncomfortable and moved away. Yet, they had come from my brother and sounded so sincere and honest. I didn't know what to do. I just lay their under his gaze and tender caress.I was burning up inside. For what, I did not know or understand. I just knew that I needed ... something.His gaze slowly left mine and travelled down my body, taking me in. Again, had another boy looked at me like that, I would have felt unsettled, tainted almost. Yet because it was my brother, I was struck by the sudden and irrational desire to pull the sundress over my head and let his gaze caress my almost naked form. In fact, the more I thought about it, the stronger the desire became.Yet a portion of my mind fought back."You like my dress?" My voice surprised me with its huskiness. It sounded almost maleHis eyes were bright, almost maniacal in their intensity. Again an almost overwhelming urge to remove my dress swept through.
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